I Hate to... But I Have to

I'd like to gripe for a moment, if I may. I read through a lot of cookbooks. And I'm not talking about flipping through and looking at the pictures to find what looks good, I mean I actually sit down and read cookbooks! And I read a lot of blogs and visit a lot of web sites. Now, I'm all for people making cute things and sharing those cute things with others and getting cute comments and praise and feedback, but my gripe is this - I love to come up with new ideas, cute ideas, creative ideas, fun ideas (see where I'm going with this?) but I like all my creations to taste good. For example, I got a certain cupcake idea book. In this book, the authors tell you how to make cute little cupcakes out of stuff you can find in the candy store. You can make a cupcake with a smiley face using a red sugared fruit slice and two 1 1/2 calorie breath mints. Umm, GROSS! Who wants to bite into a cupcake with a sugary strawberry flavored candy with two mints on top!?! Or, you can make cute little faux bagels with lox to fool your friends using a mini donut sprinkled with poppy seeds (yuck), an orange flavored Starbursts and green Twizzlers (ewww!!!) Why on earth would I want to bite into something with those flavor combinations, just because it's cute??

Okay, here's one. Tell me if yo would eat this. Its a TV Dinner made out of cupcakes. Take a foil, disposable cupcake tin with 6 sections, and make three "chicken legs" using cupcakes with donut holes on top, frosted then covered with corn flakes crumbs. In another section, you're making "mashed potatoes" using a cupcake frosted white, caramel sauce for the gravy (okay, not bad) and a yellow Starburts for a pat of butter (WHY!??!). The 5th section is for the peas and carrots. Frost a cupcake with green frosting, then cut up orange Starburts for carrots and use green Runts for peas. (I'm sorry, but that's way too many flavors all at once - I can't handle the sweet of the cupcake an the frosting, the sour of the orange Starburts and the sour and crunch of the Runts all on one dessert item). The last section is the "pudding", which is a chocolate cupcake frosted with chocolate frosting and colored sprinkles. That one I will let go.

I can't imagine picking up a cupcake and having the idea already set in my mind that it's going to be sweet, just to bite into it and taste sour candy, cheesy goldfish crackers, licorice (beacuse it's black and makes a good leash for the "doggy cupcake"), a potato chip, cinnamon hearts or mint gum, just because it make the cupcake cute. When I make themed treats, I make sure everything I use compliments each other, because it's supposed to have an all-encompassing good taste, not just look cute.

So, fortunately for me (and anyone I bake for), but unfortunately for the creators of these cookbooks, blogs and web sites, I'm going to have to stray away from supporting them. Just because the cupcake/truffle/candy/dessert/treat is cute doesn't mean it should confuse the eater, make them gag or downright disgust them. I'm all for cute, but I want my fans to come back for more, not cringe at the site of a cute widdle kitty cupcake because it's got weird crap all over it that they would either have to choke down with a look on their face that outwardly shows a smile, but inside is screaming, "KILL ME NOW!" or pick off all that nasty stuff that doesn't belong and now have goopy fingers and a dessert that looks like it just suffered through a cupcake massacre.
Thanks for listening. This has been smoldering inside of me for the longest time, and I had to let it out!

These are cute, right? Sure, yeah, they're adorable! Now imagine, if you will, picking one of these cuties up and taking a bite! Do you know what you'll be eating?

A cupcake, frosted with vanilla frosting and dipped in sugar (yum!) then... spice drops, black licorice, pretzel sticks, M&Ms, red hots (cinnamon candies), red licorice, Starbursts, Fruit by the Foot, Laffy Taffy, and Air Heads. All at once... on ONE cupcake... How gross is that?!?